On growing older II

seven days and seven nights

Photo from Pinterest.

The last time I wrote to you, I was just trying to extend a hug from another place. A Place you never knew existed but it does. In your mind, time is just a river. You sit by the clock, waiting for something to change because of fear. I hate that fear of life has taken root inside you, I love you for breaking that pattern, I love how you've turned everything bound against you as a tool to build you. The last time I wrote to you, I didn't predict this. As time heals, it is not all knowing. It will move but you will continue to move too. Right? Promise me.

I had a lot to say last year but during this time, I just repackaged the same thing I have said because it is still valid till this day.

Remember, everything that has tried to kill your spirit has failed. And you are here. In the flesh. With all that occurred last year, I didn't think you'd make it. It was…too much for one person. So nobody blamed you for not saying as you should, anyone would crumble in deafening silence if that much pain takes hold. No matter how strong they think they are.

You are proof that a body could also be water and God's delight. You have demanded more just as a lot has been taken. Through your eyes, I saw the burdens of your soul. How you carefully flip the pages of Corinthians and one stuck with you the most; To Die Daily. The series of chances that phrase had given you, you ignited your love for living. I see the wonder lit up in your eyes as you drop the weight of the previous day and make something better. Making the self better than it was. You can't experience joy with the baggage of yesterday, not even the ones tomorrow will offer. Take each day as it comes, nobody is a better seamstress as you. You are tired, one foot in front of the other. Your bones fall off, stack them back together. You lost your voice(assuming) teach yourself to speak again. Learn to love the sound of your voice; you are a crucial person to be.

You see, just because I have told you to move doesn't mean you aren't allowed to grieve. It is what makes the act worthwhile. If you must die daily, it is okay to grieve what has died. Although you sat at the clock for many years, I hope you know, you won't become time itself. You won't be able to control it. One good secret I would tell you is that; no one has a time frame. Least of all you. Just be discerning enough to know the right time to do things.

I see your soul, I see its burdens. Use it. I know your heart; I wrote your name with its tears; guard it. It will be easier to carry. I know your fears; you won't end up in the way you are thinking. Embrace it. If you run from that fear, you'd end up being the person you detest most. It's difficult to let go at times please do, we need your mind for crucial matters. Even God is with me on this one. Hold your words and plant it where it's needed.

These seven days and nights are the most important days; listen and remember. That's why you chased photographs, to remember. It is why you are your truest self on a page, because you want to remember. It is why you created safe spaces, opened bigger doors, your silences are indeed golden. Remember that you are alive. Pinch yourself. Come here if you must, if you have forgotten. I hope to not disappear as I push you forward. We've not even begun to scratch the surface of your becoming.

Remember; Death doesn't want you, God got you. Remember you are here and that is enough. Remember the eyes that truly see you, understand you and love you. Nothing else matters. Remember something tried to kill your spirit in the past and has failed. It will fail again as many times as it tries. God's voice and yours and the other should be the loudest in your head. A part of your old life will fade as you crawl into your new one. You realise now, you haven't prayed for far too long but you have. The door left open to your words is prayer itself.

As the windows to your old life are closing, remember it doesn't have to be a new you, you are already there. Nurture the fundamental parts of yourself. There's nothing wrong with being continuous. The bored parts of you are worth paying attention to too.

Remember to hold yourself as tightly as you can, make yourself known as often as you can. Don't hide and don't lose your smile walking through that door.

Seven days left to your old life, allow the numbered days be what it is and live as boldly as you can.